Comfort, Respect, Maintaining Independence: Goals for Seniors’ Choice at Home Caregivers in Minnesota
When I orient new employees coming to work for Seniors’ Choice at Home, I spend considerable time talking about our goals. Basically, we have two: 1) to assist clients with practical tasks, so that they can remain in their home; and 2) to provide some relief to the adult children of our client by helping their parents.
I spend even more time talking about how we want our care givers to interact with their clients. Seniors’ Choice at Home, from it’s very beginnings more than 13 years ago, has based our service on the importance of the relationship between the care giver and client. We only hire care givers whom we believe have the ability to establish a positive relationship with seniors. I think some of the things we encourage our employees to do would be helpful for family care givers as well.
We don’t want our workers to just make lunch for the client and then go in the living room and watch TV. We want them to sit with them, eat lunch with them, visit with them, so that meal time is a pleasant experience. If clients are able and want to help with household task, we strongly encourage care givers to engage the client and encourage him or her to do as much as possible for that individual.
We want our care givers to take direction from the client where possible, so that tasks are completed the way the client wants them done. When a client asks a care giver to do something, I tell the new employee that the best answer he or she can give is: “I’d love to!” It’s so hard for folks of the generation of our clients to ask for help. An enthusiastic reply makes it easier to ask the next time.
In the book, How to Say it to Seniors, the author, David Solie, says he believes there are two things that are very important to remember. One is that many older people want to leave some kind of legacy. More interesting to me was Solie’s belief that Seniors really want to keep from losing control. He suggests that whenever possible, mainly by the words you use, you give seniors the message that they are in charge. “Mom, you can decide about this; you are in control.” “Dad, this is your decision; what would you like to do?” Very few decisions are life and death matters; most of the time, even in very serious matters, the person can at least be given a little time to think about what he or she wants.
We also spend a good deal of time talking about special ways of working with persons with memory loss. I tell people don’t argue. After a certain point in the disease process, orienting to reality isn’t always helpful, go with the flow, if the person tells you the sky looks green today, don’t try to talk him or her out of it, just go along, “Wow! I’ve never seen the sky that color before!” Do everything possible to decrease the frustration level. If someone asks for the salt for his cereal, don’t correct him, just pass the sugar. Here I think the very best goal is to provide comfort. Do whatever it takes to help the person remain as comfortable–in every way–as possible. Therapeutic fibbing is acceptable.
One wife, caring for her husband with Alzheimer’s was greatly relieved when a friend helped her understand that it was no longer in her husband’s best interest for her to consult him about business matters. Even though he had always been the expert, the damage to his brain made it very difficult for him to think through certain financial or legal matters. While she was trying to be respectful to him, he became uncomfortable and agitated when she tried to include him in these decision.
Some years ago, I taught private piano lessons. After both my daughters began violin lessons with a Suzuki teacher, I started thinking about how I might change my teaching methods to incorporate some of the Suzuki method. I attended a weeklong seminar at the U. of Wisconsin where I was able to participate in classes about the method and observe master teachers working with their students. Probably the most valuable idea I came away with was that children should feel better about themselves when they leave a lesson than when they came. I’ve thought about how beautifully that idea can be implemented in the work place, and even in our home. If our customers, our patients, our clients, our students, our employees, our family members are helped to feel better about themselves after we interact with them than they did before, we will have been successful.
Think about it. If you are caring for someone, see how you can help him/her feel comfortable about whatever is going on at that particular moment, and how you can help him or her feel better about themselves after you’ve spent time with them than they did before.
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